| In celebration of Final Fantasy VIII Part 6, I was commissioned by a friend to construct what is a new revolution in home gaming PCs for an anonymous client known as Tyn E. Wang. Surprisingly, when asked what he intended to use this new, special, limited edition, OMG TeH RoXoRs! PC for, Mr. Wang did not express any detectable interest in conquering the Internet, or even world for that matter whatsoever. No-siree-bob, he didn't even so much as consider unleashing his newest super-weapon the "Gunblade" virus and seeking revenge for those who humiliated him over his choice of "spouse" *run Jeanie for the love of God!* ahem, because he's a kind ol' rich guy who would never do anything "evil" out of spite for no reason. |
| As part of a special limited time offer, exactly 1,000 of these PCs will be made available to the public in order to commemorate 1,000 years of future peace as Rinoa "The Bitch is Back" Heartily is launched to the moon to serve sentence for 10 billion crimes against humanity, which include: |
| bitching berating Mr. Wang bitching talking bitching wanking bitching threatening Mr. Wang with wuv bitching plotting terrorism with Tightass bitching and generally existing in a restricted game. |
| So without further adieu, I present the iWank Personal Edition, which comes complete with all of these lovely gizmos I know nothing about (THANKS Whinoa): |
| iWank Personal Edition SEIFER PS 2.0 Up-link Capabilities Free PDF copy of Sharpshooter Monthly: Swimsuit Issue Treppie Explorer 3.0 Selphie Fest page builder software 2 GB of Zellous DDR RAM 1 MB WHINOA hard disk Laguna Tech WARD firewall (Because like, it's so cool!) Ultima DVD Drive with "Gays Gone Wild" DVD bonus and a complimentary Kiros Katal kontroller for use with the iWank exclusive game iRule2 |
| Act now and we'll throw in at no extra charge one free Neuralyzer for use as a suicide prevention tool (not that we want you to forget that you already own an iWank. We don't want to USE you after-all, that would be wrong). |
| For more details about iWank or any of our other products, you can contact us at 1-IFU-FF8-WANK or write to us at: |
| Customer Service c/o iWank PO BOX 2004 Balamb Garden South Hall Balamb Island, 01234 |
| So write us there or call us now! Moogles are standing by 24/7. Don't delay, wank today! |